Chocolate Catastrophe

On my Mom’s birthday we (a new friend called Alexander on S.V. Orchid and I) made a cake. We kind of, ok we really changed the recipe – many thanks to Ashley Skabar for the inspiration. Here is our improvised recipe.  This is a recipe for a delicious chocolate cake with NO GLUTEN/WHEAT and NO DAIRY/LACTOSE/MILK.

There were no pictures taken of this event.  The picture of me above is when I first tasted Chocolate at my First Birthday Party.   I’ve never looked back.  I’ve loved chocolate ever since.

The Cake


  • 12 ounces dairy-free dark chocolate.     Feel free to add more.  We used 300 grams in the end.
  • 1 cup dairy-free soy margarine
  • 1 1/2 cups white granulated sugar
  • 6 large eggs
  • 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 3/4 cups dairy-free soy milk
  • Add more chocolate to taste!


  1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. Lightly oil any type of pan that is suitable for the occasion and dust the bottom and the sides with cocoa powder. Set aside.  OK let’s change that to *heavily* dust the pan with cocoa powder, then tilt the pan, bang the bottom to shake out the extra.  Put the extra in a bowl and EAT IT!
  2. In a double boiler.  What’s a double boiler?   Anyway, we don’t have a double boiler on the boat.  So we took a pan and put water in it.  Then we took a glass bowl that would balance on top of the pan.   We put the chocolate in that.  And we melted the chocolate over simmering water.  We found that the chocolate was thick and hard to break.  So if you’d like to worry your parents (or friends) follow this extra set of instructions: take a pan and a chopping board, put the chocolate on the chopping board and smash it with the pan.  You will make a LOT of noise.  It added suspense to the surprise as Mom didn’t know what we were cooking.
  3. Meanwhile, in a large bowl using an electric hand mixer, we beat the dairy-free soy margarine until it was creamy.  Then we added the sugar and beat for 3-4 minutes – actually, we didn’t care about time – we just kept beating=] until fluffy which was definitely more than 3-4 minutes.  Add in the eggs, one at a time, beating until well combined. When you get shell into the mixture, stick your fingers into it and make sure you get all the shell out.  Lick your fingers when finished before washing them.  Then take an “extra” piece of dairy free dark chocolate that is not needed for this recipe and dip it into the now melted dairy free chocolate to see how it tastes.  If it’s delicious, add the melted dairy-free chocolate to the fluffy mixture and beat until creamy.  Add the cocoa powder and dairy-free soy milk, beating until combined. When you spill the cocoa powder because its very light and fluffy, use it to make hand prints and designs all over the kitchen. Cook for 35-40 minutes and make sure the cake does NOT crack at the top.  If you allow the cake to crack at the top and you can put in a tooth pick in and it comes out clean, throw it over board or out of the window and start again, or just eat it.  You didn’t add enough extra chocolate.   But if you added extra chocolate as we did, it may not get to be cracked at the top as it will stay gooey.  If it stays gooey, don’t worry,  that is how it is supposed to be because of all the chocolate.  Then take it outside to cool for an hour.   On the way, spill it on your forward deck or on any other clean surface, yell and scream, and dance all around it, do CPR on it, then put it back into the container and let cool for 1 hour.

The Icing


  • 16 ounces good quality dark dairy-free chocolate, coarsely chopped
  • 1 15-ounce can coconut milk (not lite varieties)
  • An extra two bars of chocolate


  1. Place the coarsely chopped dark chocolate in your chocolate melting double boiler that you used earlier and melt the chocolate. Set aside. Actually we didn’t read the recipe properly and we melted the chocolate when you are not supposed to.   Our excuse is because we were distracted by the little kids on the boat who kept sticking their heads down the hatch to see what was happening.  And we ran after them with gooey chocolate fingers trying to draw chocolate designs on their faces.   Nevermind.  When we found out that you are NOT supposed to melt the Chocolate.  We freaked out and Alex and I had a conference.   Alex suggested we improvise.  So we did.   We were supposed to heat up the coconut milk, but as the chocolate was already melted, we just added the coconut milk to the chocolate to heat it up.  In order to cool it quicker and make it like icing we did two things: 1.  We put pieces of un-melted chocolate into the melted chocolate (an extra one and a half bars) and then we put the whole thing into the freezer for an hour and a half.


Because it’s a bit messy by this point, serve it into tea cups or small bowls make sure portions are small because the cake is rich.  VERY RICH.   Cover the cake with a little icing.  It’s great to have icing left over – it tastes just like chocolate mouse.

Make sure you clean up everything completely or your Dad may get mad at you.  But you can eat most of the mess as you clean.


About the Author